How a Badger and a Dragon Survived Christmas
by TLX
Summary: Charlie and Tonks hatch a plan to survive the holidays. Written as part of the Teachers' Lounge Holiday Exchange for Snarky64 by lightblue-Nymphadora.
1. Chapter 1

**How a Badger and a Dragon Survived Christmas**

_In which our heroes hatch a cunning plot._

Charlie marched down to the Quidditch pitch, broom over his shoulder and letter crumpled in his left hand. He grunted, thinking it over in his head. Was she really serious? He loved his mother dearly, but he'd never met a more meddlesome person in his life! So what if he didn't have a girlfriend? So what if he didn't want some stuffy desk job at the Ministry? It was his life! He could do what he bloody well pleased after Hogwarts.

He was so wrapped up in his thoughts he nearly got brained by a Bludger.

"Bollocks!" he yelped, dropping to the ground as it whizzed past. He looked up from the dirt and saw a lone figure zooming around the pitch. Whoever it was had all six Quidditch trunks open, and was pelting all twelve Bludgers with the sort of ferocity that one normally associated with jungle cats and Veela. As he got closer, he could see the yellow and black of a Hufflepuff uniform. "Of course. Only Tonks would be crazy enough to train with twelve Blud—ack!" he yelped, ducking again.

She'd noticed him by now, and pulled out her wand. With a brief wave, all of the airborne Bludgers floated slowly back to the ground. "Chuck."

"Tonksy-wonksy."

She rolled her eyes and began Summoning the Bludgers back into their crates.

"Hard day?" he asked, helping her.

"You could say that. You?" she asked, nodding to the crumpled wad of parchment in his hands.

"Letter from my mother."

"Source of all our troubles, it seems."

"You got a letter from my mum?"

"No, Chuck. I got a letter from _my_ mum. Complaining about the fact that I apparently won't be married or engaged by the time I make it out of Hogwarts."

Charlie laughed at this and flopped down on the ground. "I sympathize. So what's your Christmas going to look like, then? Lots of hiding in your room, trying to perfect your Patronus for Professor Greenly?"

"Interspersed, of course, with Mum's desperate attempts to teach me to cook."

Charlie looked quite horrified at the very thought. "You…? In a…in a kitchen? With knives and fire and things?"

"Terrifying thought, right?"

He shook his head. "Merlin…."

"What about you? Your family is kind of hard to avoid."

"I'll have Ron to look after. Apparently he's missing me something awful. Otherwise I just tune out all of the bits about," he did an uncanny impression of Molly Weasley in full fuss mode, "'I just can't believe a good looking boy like you doesn't have a young lady in his life! Is it because you think I wouldn't approve of her? Are you dating a psychopath? We've taught you better than that, young man! Do you think your father and I will embarrass you? I know you're hiding something Charles Arthur Weasley! I don't know how you could be embarrassed of your honest, hard working, loving family!' And that's around the time the tears start," he finished in his regular voice.

Tonks was, literally, rolling on the ground laughing. Her hair flashed from bright pink to baby blue to neon green and back again. "Oh, that's priceless. Maybe they had some sort of witches' finishing program when they were here in the 60s…." Tonks speculated.

"That would explain it."

They sat quietly for a few minutes, watching the Snitch buzz around above their heads. Suddenly, Tonks sat straight up and looked at Charlie, eyes wide. "Merlin's greasy gym shorts! I've had an idea!"

"No," Charlie said firmly. "Absolutely not."

"You don't even know what it is yet!"

"Don't care. Anytime you tell me you've had an idea, we end up in detention for at least a month."

"You're exaggerating."

"Second year, we were in detention for exactly four weeks, and there are still spots of the Prefects' bathroom where the paint didn't come off. Third year, we got chased by Thestrals and Hagrid had to come rescue us out of the Forest. Detention for five weeks and three days. Fourth year, detention for a record making two months because I couldn't get out of that damned suit and the house elves got a look at my nibbly bits while I was stuck to that statue of Gregor the Flatulent. Fifth year—"

"Okay! I get it," she said, laughing. "No, this is a good one, I swear."

"That's what you said last year, and we ended up suspended from the ceiling tangled in Christmas lights."

"Let me rephrase—this isn't something to get us into the Hogwarts Ledger of Infamy. It's a perfect solution to our Christmas problems. We pretend to be together."

He let that sink in. Really swirled it around his head for a moment before responding. "The hell are you on about?"

"Look, both of us like being young and awesome and single, right? But our mums don't want to accept that. The single part, at least. So…we pretend to be each others' special schmoopy for a few weeks, and survive the holiday season without going round the twist."

"…feels a little underhanded…."

"Does that mean you're in?"

"I'm going to regret this…I know it. Yes, I'm in."

Tonks's hair turned an ominous shade of silver and hot pink. "Fantastic. Time to plan, Chuck."

Molly was reading the morning paper the next day when she heard a tapping noise from the kitchen. She hurried in to see an owl perched smartly on the windowsill. It was a Hogwarts owl, but she immediately recognized Charlie's handwriting.

_**Hello Mother,**_

_**I'm dead chuffed to be coming home for Christmas! Tell Ron and Ginny that I miss them too, and that I'll play Gobstones with them when I get home.**_

_**I also wanted to tell you something. I am seeing someone. And no, I didn't keep it from you because I'm ashamed of the family. We just weren't sure about our feelings for each other, and were taking it a bit slow. But I'd like her to come to the Burrow for Christmas lunch, if that's all right. She's invited me to New Years with her family. I think you'll like her quite a lot. Her name is Nymphadora, but she goes by her last name, Tonks.**_

_**Looking forward to see you! C.A. Weasley**_


	2. Chapter 2

**How a Badger and a Dragon Survived Christmas**

_In which Charlie gets "The Talk"—just not the one he was expecting; Tonks impresses Molly; Fred and George see right through everyone; and Ginny gains a BFF._

Charlie could sense something hanging in the air as he, Percy, Fred and George rode home in the family Ford Anglia. His dad kept glancing at him and smiling slightly. That couldn't be a good sign. He was having horrible flashes of the "You'll Be a Man Soon" speeches that his father liked to give him, and had a good feeling he'd be cornered later that day for The Talk.

"Right, Weasleys!" Arthur said brightly as they pulled up in front of the Burrow. "Fred, Charlie, Percy, you get the bags in. George, you come with me and we'll help your sister set the table."

Dinner was a noisy affair. Ron and Ginny were particularly boisterous, happy to have their older brothers home for a couple of weeks. They hurled questions at the older four, and laughed as Fred and George described some of their sillier stories from school.

"Charlie?" Ron asked, a grin spreading across his face. "Is it true that you have a girlfriend now?"

Ginny giggled madly.

"Do you go out to Hogsmeade together? Have you…kissed her?" Ron asked in a near whisper.

George gave a scandalized gasp. "Kissing? Not our pentacle of purity, Charles!"

"Oh my wands and dress robes!" Fred added, pretending to faint.

Ron, Ginny, and Percy all laughed. Charlie knew he was blushing, but rolled his eyes anyway and went back to eating his custard tart.

"Right, all right," Arthur said. "That's enough. I expect you all to mind your Ps and Qs when Charlie's lady friend comes to stay. Understood?"

"Yes, Dad!" they chorused, shooting mischievous glances at Charlie.

"I'm really going to regret this," Charlie mumbled to himself.

Once they were done with dinner and had washed up, Charlie tried to sneak away to his room.

"Charlie, how about you help me in the shed for a moment?" Arthur asked, just as his son was about to dash up the stairs.

"Oh no you don't, sir!" Molly said. "Come back in here. I want you to sit down and tell me everything about this Tonks girl."

"Molly, dear, he's tired. It's been a long week for all of the kids. We're going to bring in a few more Christmas decorations and then let's let him get to bed. You can quiz him in the morning, when Bill's here to enjoy it with the rest of the kids," he added, smiling.

"Fine then. Go on," she said, kissing both of them on the cheek.

Arthur put a hand on Charlie's shoulder and steered him out the back door. He didn't speak until they were in the shed, sitting at the work bench. "Listen, Charlie…I think I know what you're doing."

Rule number one of living with Weasleys: Never admit to anything until you know you're caught. "Sorry?"

"This girl…you've mentioned her before, but never romantically. It always seemed like you two were just friends. You've never really mentioned any girl romantically. And…I can't help wondering…."

"Dad—"

"Listen, I know your mother can…put a lot of pressure on you. But if you like blokes better—"

"Dad!"

"It's okay! We love you no matter what."

Charlie opened and closed his mouth a few times, and finally settled on croaking, "Thanks, Dad. But I'm not ga—"

"Oh, I know. I know," Arthur said, winking. "Just make sure you make it convincing. Your mother's a hard one to fool. Speaking of which, she'll wonder where we've gone if we don't get back in." He led the way out of the shed.

Charlie sat there for another moment, thinking that this just got way more complicated.

The knowledge of a potential daughter in law seemed to be enough to soothe Molly Weasley, because Charlie didn't have to endure too many questions until the morning of Tonks's arrival. However, he happened to know that she'd been questioning Percy nearly constantly when she thought Charlie couldn't hear her. He felt bad for his brother, for a second, but really it was Percy's own fault for being such a tattletale.

He heard a noise in the front yard, and sprinted to the door before Fred or George could get to it. "Hi Tonks."

"Wotcher, Chuck!"

"Nice hair," he said, quirking an eyebrow. It was chestnut brown and fell in ringlets around her shoulder. It was uncharacteristically… normal, for her.

"Figured we were actually trying to be suitable significant others," she told him, shrugging. "Don't worry, it won't be so bad."

He gave her a hug, but they promptly broke away when they heard a giggle coming from the rose bushes. "Ginny. My sister."

"Charlie? Charles Arthur Weasley, where are your manners?" Molly asked, bustling over to the door. "Welcome! Come on in…Tonks, was it?"

"Yes ma'am. Happy Christmas," she said, holding out a bag.

"Oh you didn't have to get us anything dear!" Molly said, beaming at her. "And please, call me Molly."

They made their way into the kitchen, where George and Ron had just finished setting the table. Everyone else was sitting down and pouring themselves drinks.

In an improvised bout of chivalry, Charlie pulled Tonks's chair out for her.

She winked at him, and sat down.

"It's nice to meet you, Tonks," Arthur said. "I daresay you've probably seen Percy, Fred and George around, but these are our youngest two, Ron and Ginny. Ron will be starting at Hogwarts next year."

"So, Tonks… tell us a little about yourself," Molly said, serving the chicken and mushroom pie. "Charlie tells me you're a seventh year as well."

"More like Percy tells you…." George muttered.

Bill and Ginny sniggered.

"Hush, George."

"That's right. In most of his classes with him. I'm a Hufflepuff, though," Tonks replied.

"A wonderful house," Arthur said. "My best mate was a Hufflepuff."

"And what are your plans after graduation?" Molly asked.

"I want to go into the Ministry, actually."

Molly's face was aglow with approval at that simple statement. "Really? Well that's just fantastic! I'm sure Charlie's told you that Arthur works for the Ministry. I've been trying to talk Charlie into a sensible Ministry job, but he just won't listen."

"Dragon's on the brain, our brother," Bill quipped.

"What department are you looking at, dear?" Molly asked.

"Going to train up with the Aurors."

Charlie did his best to turn his laugh into a hacking cough at the look on his mother's face. The Auror department wasn't exactly the "sensible Ministry job" she'd had in mind, he reckoned.

"I think Mum's having a conniption," Fred said.

"Quiet, Fred. That's a wonderful career to consider, Tonks."

Dinner passed far too normally for Charlie's liking. There was something coming, he could feel it.

"Hey Tonks?" Ginny said. "Where did Charlie take you on your first date?"

The rest of the Weasleys laughed at Charlie's look of horror.

"Knowing him, the Astronomy Tower," Fred mumbled.

"Fred!"

"He took me to a little café in Hogsmeade," she answered, glancing at him with an absolutely evil grin.

"Er…right! And it was fun. Why don't we—"

"Oh, don't be modest, Chuckie," Tonks said. "It was so romantic. He reserved a special table for us, and recited poetry."

"Oh how sweet!" Molly said, ignoring the fact that Bill had literally slid under the table from laughing so hard. "He always was my sensitive boy."

"That's Chuck," Tonks said, hair going pink.

"Wow! How did you do that with your hair?" Ginny asked.

"This?" Tonks changed it a few more times. "I'm a metamophmagus. I just can. Watch." She changed her nose to a pig's snout and snorted a couple of times, much to the amusement of the youngest Weasleys.

Later, after Charlie had played Gobstones with Ron and Tonks had told Ginny five million Quidditch stories, they exchanged gifts. Charlie turned red as a Santa suit when he opened his.

"TONKS!" he whispered-yelled, stuffing the dragon skin briefs and aphrodisiac sweets back into the bag. "What if my mum had been in here?"

"That's why I waited until she wasn't," Tonks said calmly, opening her box. "Wow! Weird Sisters official tour shirt. You're the best faux boyfriend in the world, Chuck," she said quietly.

"Of course I am. And don't think I'm not going to get you back for that first date story when we meet your parents."


	3. Chapter 3

**How a Badger and a Dragon Survived Christmas**

_In which Charlie has the pants scared off him—literally; the Tonks family learns about dragons; Andromeda resorts to bribery; and an agreement is reached._

Charlie showed up at Tonks's house at seven on New Year's Eve. He looked up into the face of the most formidable Hufflepuff he'd ever seen when the door opened. "Er…evening, Mr. Tonks."

"You must be Charles. Come in, son," he said, without smiling. Or blinking.

"Thanks. Ah, this is for you," he said, passing him the box in his hands.

"Very kind," Ted said, nodding. He set it on the table in the hall and clapped a hand on Charlie's shoulder. "Come talk with me in my office."

Charlie was guided down the hall and through the sitting room. He briefly caught a glimpse of Tonks mouthing, "Sorry," and rolling her eyes, before he found himself in a cozy study.

"Have a seat," Ted told him, nodding to a chair. "Can I interest you in a drink?"

"Water would be lovely. Please and thanks."

Once Ted had set the two glasses down on the desk, he sat on the other side and folded his hands. "So."

A long, highly uncomfortable silence stretched on for so long, Charlie was starting to get fidgety. "Er…sir?"

"You're dating my Nymphadora."

Charlie nodded. "She still makes me call her Tonks, though," he said, smiling slightly. He stopped when Ted didn't smile back.

"Persistent, my daughter. And how long have you been dating?"

"Not long, sir. We've been friends for ages though."

"And what exactly are your intentions toward her?"

_Merciful Zeus…_ Charlie thought. "Intentions? I intend to make her as happy as I can for as long as she'll let me." _That was close._

Ted smiled for the first time that night. "Good answer, Charles."

The silence stretched on again, and now Charlie was seriously considering making a run for it.

"Onto other business," Ted said. "Stand up for a moment." When Charlie complied, he got up and began circling the younger man like a vulture. "Tonks tells me you're a Quidditch player," he said, still circling.

"Y-yes."

"Wonderful sport. I was a Chaser myself. Now," he said, stopping directly in front of Charlie. "You look like an upstanding young man."

"Thanks," Charlie croaked, fighting the urge to scramble backwards.

"But those pants just won't do. We dress up for New Years. Put this on." He handed Charlie a garment bag. "We'll be in the sitting room once you've changed."

The shade of purple was, frankly, alarming. Charlie was glad, for a multitude of reasons, that neither of the twins were here. And he'd be damned if he was going to let them take pictures….

He walked into the sitting room, chin up and game face on. Tea things were already out and all eyes were immediately on him.

Tonks actually facepalmed.

"Evening, Mrs. Tonks," he said, pretending he wasn't dressed like a Muggle pimp in a 70s sitcom. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you."

"The pleasure's all mine dear, I assure you," she said, shaking his hand. "Ted, honey, did you really have to—"

"It's all right," Charlie said, smiling. "I quite like purple."

Tonks smiled at him and patted the seat next to her. "So, what's in the box, Chuck?"

"Oh! Right, I'd forgotten." He picked up the box that Ted had brought in from the hall and handed it to Andromeda. "It's for your house," he said as she opened it."

"Oh my! How lovely!"

"Lithuanian Silverhorn dragons tend to lay a few eggs in every litter that are…er…blank, for lack of a better word. They retain the dragon's heat, though. Just put it in the fire for a bit, and it'll warm the whole house."

"That's wonderful!" Andromeda said. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Silverhorns in general are a longevity breed—meaning they get super old without looking it. Their blank eggs can last up to two hundred years, so no need to worry about it going rotten."

"Fascinating!" Ted said, picking up the egg and looking at it. "How do you know so much about dragons, son?"

"My Chuck's always been the outdoorsy type," Tonks supplied with a grin.

"She's right. Dragon's are my main interest now," he told them. "My mentor sent me a couple of these, and I thought you might like one."

"How thoughtful of you," Andromeda said, smiling brightly.

"Mentor?" Ted asked.

"I got accepted into the International Dragon Research Program," Charlie explained.

"Got one of the only five spots, he did," Tonks said, proudly.

"So…you're going to Lithuania after you graduate?" Andromeda asked in a cautious sort of voice.

"Maybe. I could stay here, or go to America, Peru or Romania. We don't decide until July."

"Ah."

Charlie knew the look she was giving him, because his mother gave it to him too, whenever he talked about the program. It clearly said, "You're not leaving England if I have anything to say about it."

"Charles, dear, come help me in the kitchen. Dora, help your father light a fire so we can try out your boyfriend's gift."

Charlie followed Andromeda into the kitchen. Somehow, he felt like this was more of a trap than his sit-down with Tonks's father. "What can I do?"

"Here are the hot mitts. Be a dear and grab the cake from the oven while I get the icing and things."

Charlie made sure to put a wire rack down before removing the cake from the oven. He looked up to see Andromeda looking impressed. "I had to help my mum in the kitchen. I know the basics."

"So it seems. So, Charles, I know a wizard that worked with Scottish Ashtails for about six years. He's in the housing business now. I know he'd be able to get you a nice little set up if you decided to stay in England."

"Oh, well…that's brilliant. I'm not sure if I'm going to take the England assignment, but it's definitely one of my top choices."

"Think it over. I'm sure your family would miss you terribly if you went overseas. I know Tonks would."

"Mum? Let me have Chuck for a moment," Tonks said, coming into the kitchen. "I need to show him where he's sleeping tonight." As she steered him down the hall, she whispered, "Had to rescue you. Another five minutes and she would've been discussing a dowry. She's terrified I'll frighten you off."

"It's lucky I don't scare easy, then."

"What about fourth year at Halloween when—"

"Besides that."

They stood in the hall outside the room, chuckling.

"This is yours," Tonks said, finally. "Dad's already moved your bag in. Ready for another dose of my parents?"

"Not remotely. But let's go anyway."

The lead up until midnight was spent arguing amicably over various Quidditch teams, and listening to the Wireless. In the last few minutes, Ted poured everyone a glass of Fairy Champagne.

"Right! Tonks family tradition time. What's everyone's new year's resolution?"

"I'm going to make time to read," Andromeda said.

"She's made that resolution every year since I was twelve," Tonks muttered.

"I'm going to make it to an Appleby Arrows game, and a Dublin Destroyers one," Ted said.

"I'm going to sort out my Patronus," Tonks said.

"No worries, I'll help you," Charlie told her. "I'm going to pass my Apparation test."

"You haven't yet?" Ted asked.

"There were some technical difficulties the first go," he admitted. "Namely, the landing."

The countdown started and Andromeda moved to sit next to Ted.

Realization took hold, and Charlie knew that he and Tonks were going to have to kiss in another six seconds.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

Never two people to do anything by halves, they made a damn convincing go of it (And for years afterward, Charlie would swear that it was Tonks who slipped him the tongue, not the other way round).

They broke away, not looking at each other and blushing furiously.


	4. Epilogue

**How a Badger and a Dragon Survived Christmas**

_In which our heroes return to school. _

Tonks flopped down on the seat across from Charlie. "Well…Mum adores you. Slick git."

He grinned. "Not like you didn't charm the pants off my parents. We're even."

"Just remember—next year when you're off chasing dragons and I'm getting my ass handed to me by some ugly Auror, we'll look back and say this Christmas was easy."

"I reckon you're right."

A few Slytherins walked by their compartment just then. One whistled and made kissy faces at them.

"Fred and George must've told people," Charlie said.

"Could be fake-dating a worse bloke," Tonks said, smirking. "I'm not fussed about it getting around."

"Er…that might not be all that gets around. They may have found the special undies you gave me for Christmas."

"We're never going to live this down."

Charlie laughed. "Happy New Year, Tonks."

"And you, Chuck."


End file.
